somebody snuck up and got me drunk
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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