no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize