he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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