It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
