so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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