He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
