I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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