i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
