make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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