Your tits are I can't wait for
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
