You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Randomize
