I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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