tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
