just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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