You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
