Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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