Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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