He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
