Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize