so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
