There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
