I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
