She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
