so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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