The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
