You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
