My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
