Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
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