he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
