I faked an abortion last night.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
