I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize