That's when you crack a 10am beer
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
