i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
