I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
