if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
