I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
