He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
zippers are such a cool invention
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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