you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
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