dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
