What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
