and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
