would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
So many bounce houses so little time
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
