Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
