the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Found your dick twin last night
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
