i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
