Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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