dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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