had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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