i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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