I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
