The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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