I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
No stitches, just platelets and will power
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize
