Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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