you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
