Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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