at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
