spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
