first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
