His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
