doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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